Jonathan Edwards tells the story of a young woman whom Christ lovingly saved after having lived a life of debauchery. Shortly thereafter, her health failed, and after a slow and painful process, the young woman herself died. Edwards recounts:
She had great longings to die, that she might be with Christ; which increased till she thought she did not know how to be patient and wait till God’s time should come . . . “I am quite willing to live, and quite willing to die; quite willing to be sick, and quite willing to be well; and quite willing for anything that God will bring upon me! And then,” said she, “I felt myself perfectly easy, in a full submission to the will of God” . . . The same week that she died, when she was in distressing circumstances as to her body, some of the neighbors who came to see her, asked if she was willing to die? She replied, that she was quite willing to either live or die; she was willing to be in pain; she was willing to be so always as she was then, if that was the will of God. She willed what God willed. They asked her whether she was willing to die that night? She answered, “Yes, if it be God’s will.” And seemed to speak all with that perfect composure of spirit, and with such a cheerful countenance, that it filled them with admiration.
What a testimony! By God’s grace, I yearn to have this attitude as well, both in life and in death. I want to glorify God in how I live and in how I die.
But I confess I’m sadly exceedingly far from such a God-centered attitude, and am in so many ways and on so many levels utterly self-centered in my thoughts and desires, let alone my speech and actions — and even as I type these words. May the Lord conform me more to the image of Christ! Although it’s difficult to pray after these words from Robert Murray M’Cheyne and genuinely mean it, nevertheless I do pray, even if I pray haltingly because of my terrible sinfulness:
If nothing else will do to sever me from my sins, Lord, send me such sore and trying calamities as shall awake me from earthly slumbers. It must always be best to be alive to Thee, whatever be the quickening instrument. I tremble as I write, for Oh! on every hand do I see too likely occasions for sore afflictions.
