Talking Out Of Turn

As you have no doubt heard, we have decided that God just can’t exist. That’s right, we’re turning the tables. We’re tired of God being the judge and us always being in the dock, so now the other shoe is dropping from the other foot.

Our reasons for this decision are made of awesome. Let me share them with you.

1. You’re not the boss of me. Out of the mouths of babes, no? Why do we submit to the authority of an invisible God, when we could do whatever we want?
2. My life stinks. Things are not everything they could be in my life. If there were a God, and He loved me, then clearly things would conform to my notions of “good.”
3. TANSTAAFL. (Also known as “There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.”) Christians will tell you that Jesus paid for your sins, but the fine print seems to indicate that He wants to remove your heart and give you a new one! Thanks but no thanks, man! I’ve spent a lifetime toughening up this heart, I don’t have time to start over.
4. Hypocrites! The Church is full of them! They tell you to be holy, because God is holy, but they sin sometimes! Oh, sure, they claim that there’s a difference between sinning and practicing sin, and all that, but I shouldn’t have to read more than a verse or two of 1 John to understand systematic theology. Who has time for that?
5. I just gotta be me! I prefer to mix it up a little, you know? I think there are some really interesting elements of spirituality to explore in Buddhism, Tao, and those other Eastern religions, but the Bible acts like it is the one and only standard for information about the metaphysical. If I find something that speaks to me in these other spiritual journeys, why can’t I incorporate it? Who’s to say that I’m wrong and they’re right?
6. Not guilty! I’ve been wracked with guilt about things I did in the past, that nobody found out about, that didn’t hurt anybody (or wouldn’t if I hadn’t confessed them). I am sure it would have been better if I had never said a word. If God doesn’t exist, then nobody can call me on those things. QED, baby, QED.
7. Weird Science! You know, if I trust scientists to put man on the moon and keep my internal combustion engine from exploding, and if I trust them to keep my health in good order, then really, is there an area of my life that they can’t handle? Who am I to tell a scientist that he has no actual data about cosmology or the evolution of life on this planet? And clearly, to have survived this far, I must be among the fittest. It’s all in Darwin, folks.
8. Vicious circles! Did you know that presuppositional apologetics is just circular reasoning? Good philosophy starts from a scientific foundation. We must observe before we can form an epistemology. Duh.

There’s lots of other reasons, but I don’t have time for that right now; I’m just reveling in my newfound freedom. That and I’ve been reading a lot of Ayn Rand lately. More on my excellent adventure as this special day progresses.