Little known facts about James White
Posted on Wednesday, August 16th, 2006 at 9:19 amIn the spirit of Chuck Norris Facts (and if this bothers you, start with comment #320 and then read it all):
- When James White stutters in his Greek class, a new entry shows up in the next edition of BDAG.
- James White can bench 300… 300 copies of the 38-volume Hendrickson Church Fathers set, that is.
- Barringer Crater was formed when James White threw down Gerry Matatics in their last debate.
- On his last bike ride, James White gasped when he heard something John Shelby Spong said that would be a great thing to remember for the debate. That gasp sucked all the oxygen out of the Western United States for a minute and put out the worst forest fire in US History.
- Calvin didn’t burn Servetus. James White burned Servetus. With his laser pointer. Ed. — this “fact” has some context you might want to see (taken from my explanation at another blog:
Regarding Servetus… well, he’s been dead a long time, and by now everybody should know that Servetus’ death shouldn’t be held against Calvin (any more than anybody else in that day and age, at any rate). And the first time I saw Dr. White in person he had this insanely powerful laser pointer that looked like he had swiped it from a lab at MIT, and he was whipping it around in a dark sanctuary before a presentation and making lightsaber noises. For some reason I put the two together.
- Augustine read The Potter’s Freedom to figure out how best to answer Pelagius.
- If Dave Hunt debated James White publicly, James White would refute Dave Hunt in Dave’s opening statement, before James actually got to say anything. Just by being there.
- When The God Who Justifies was finished on James White’s computer, NT Wright suddenly got a migraine and to this day he doesn’t know why.
- When Satan sleeps, he dreams about James White crossing the Tiber. Then he wakes up, because somebody alerts him to the fact that ten people just crossed it going the other way, because they heard James White.
- James White is the sixth point of Calvinism.
- God can pull up James White’s speaking engagements calendar on His computer, even though the rest of us only get updates every six months or so.
- James White’s website design isn’t bad. All the others are just too hoity-toity. Take that, Challies.
- John Macarthur is a dispensationalist because if he and James White were both Covenant Theologians, then the next year there would only be Roman Catholics and Reformed Baptists, and no other denominations at all.
- James White didn’t sign the 1689 because he didn’t want to make Nehemiah Cox feel bad.
- If James White were the president of the SBC, every church would have more in attendance than in membership, Resolution Five wouldn’t exist, nobody would drink even without the resolution, Paige Patterson would have a blog, the BFM2007 would be identical to the 2LBCF, and everybody would pack heat when they weren’t in church.
- James White is the Regulative Principle of everything but Worship.
- If James White went to Idaho, CREC would preemptively disband, and Doug Wilson would read Psalms every week out of the NASB95 before rebaptizing everybody in his congregation who had been baptized as a Roman Catholic before.
- If James White went to the Louvre, he’d stumble upon a murder mystery involving a dead man posed like one of Angelz’s caricatures.
- James White doesn’t need to enable comments on his blog. His posts comment on themselves.
- James White isn’t bald. Everybody else just has a hair-centered theology.
- James White’s hairs were only four-point Calvinists. ‘Nuff said.
- James White scares the hides off the calves that make his uber-Bibles.
- The last time James White visited the Vatican, that statue of St. Peter that visitors like to touch kept falling over.
- Nobody moderates James White in a debate.
- Nobody would call Tom Ascol a hyper-Calvinist if they could see James White after four cups of coffee.
- Catholic Answers isn’t descriptive. It’s actually the yet-unrealized goal of the organization, since they met James White.
- James White’s limbs and head are named after the Five Points of Calvinism.
- James White doesn’t think it’s girly to like tulips.
- Pope Benedict has aomin.org bookmarked on his computer.
- Utah didn’t end polygamy because they wanted to be a state. They ended polygamy because James White said to.
- Everytime James White forgets to use the Greek font correctly on his web page, Bruce Metzger asks his teaching assistants if there are Greek letters in the alphabet that he didn’t know.
If you have more, add ‘em in the comments put ‘em on your own blog and then link here. If we get some good ones, I’ll see about shooting these in an email to AOMin and see what they think. Keep them clean. If you don’t like Dr. White, then it might be better if you didn’t comment. I reserve the right to delete anything I don’t like.
Just to make sure everybody realizes this, I meant this in fun, really. I love AOMin. When other families watch TV, we’ve got archive MP3s of the Dividing Line running in our house.
Update: Dr. White has picked his favorites, and added some commentary of his own.
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