An interesting extract from George Mueller of Bristol:
To one who asked him the secret of his service he said:
“There was a day when I died, utterly died;”
and, as he spoke, he bent lower and lower until he almost touched the floor—
“died to George Mueller, his opinions, preferences, tastes and will—died to the world, its approval or censure—died to the approval or blame even of my brethren and friends—and since then I have studied only to show myself ‘approved unto God.’”
I heard this quoted on Grace to You this morning, and I was struck by Mueller’s statement. I have heard about, and taught on, “dying to self” many times, but I always pictured it as meaning “dying to the sinful nature,” that is, committing to the passage that says “our old self was crucified with Him, that our body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin” (Rom. 6:6,7). I never considered that dying to ourselves means giving up not only sin, but the praise and acclaim of our fellow men, or our perceived right to that acclaim. If we are ridiculed, rejected, or rebuked, “dying to self” means that we base our actions as far as we are able on the Word of God, and ignore both praise and rebuke—unless we are convinced that rebuke is scripturally grounded. It means that we are only accountable to God, and in that statement is both our greatest hope and our greatest fear.
If we are standing on the promises of God, if we are rightly dividing the word of truth, then there is no room for self-doubt or for the condemnation of others. That also means that we can take no honor or praise for ourselves either. These are equal and opposite errors, and I have regularly fallen into both, sometimes at the same time.
For a while when I was writing the Living Torah Journal, I posted regularly about Juanita Bynum, a very popular teacher on TBN who abused the Word of God frequently in her teaching—not to push prosperity so much, but to push the idea of spiritual gifts or power being given by God as a result of monetary giving (the error of Simon Magus in Acts 8:9-24), and to encourage healing through the world’s psychology as well as “deliverance” through ideas that are occultic rather than biblical in nature. I received angry emails and even phone calls at home from people who insisted that this “sister in the Lord” had delivered so many people from this or that bondage, from sexual sin, and so forth, and therefore she must be “anointed” and I had no right to criticize her. Well, if we’re going to be pragmatic about it, Oprah and Dr. Phil have set people free from psychological bondages and sexual addictions (and other kinds). So has ECT, that is, “shock treatments.” So has Scientology. Does that make it right?
“Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.”—Matt. 7:22,23
My point, however, was that I got tired of the criticism. It hurt, every time. For every stand I took on the Scriptures, I was insulted, berated, and told that I wasn’t saved, that I was spiritually blind, and so forth. People who cheered me on against the word-faith preaching consigned me to hell when I decided to take a stand against the lies of British Israelism. And eventually I could no longer take the strain, and I stepped off the merry-go-round for a while. But the fact is, I was trying to accomplish all of this in my own strength. I believed in the Word, and I still do, but in my own pride at discovering the truth, I wrote and taught what I did in the strength of my intellect. But the greatest philosophers generally recognized the limits of their own thinking, and I, not being a great philosopher, was doubly aware of my own. Every kick from a former supporter, and even every criticism from the random Bynum supporter who called me late at night or sent me scathing emails, sent me back to the Word, wondering if I could be wrong. If I trusted the Bible, I could stand, but when I trusted my logic and memory, I fell, every time. Even when I was right, my convictions had no strength.
And so, ultimately, I must place my trust in the Lord. I must die to my desire for people to think I am smart, or a good teacher. I must die to my desire not to be insulted and rejected. A dead man is not a target for rejection and ridicule. In Heaven, you can laugh at me and my ridiculous stands on the Bible all you want, and I am sure I will laugh with you, in my joy at being with my Savior. I admit it—I have made ridiculous stands. But here, in this world—you can laugh if you like. I am dead, I cannot hear your laughter or your insults. If you think that I am a good writer or teacher… I am still dead, and I cannot hear your praise. I am only alive to the Lord, and I will do and say what the Spirit reveals to me from the Word of God, as my Lord gives me the power to do so.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”—2 Cor. 12:9
And that is how I am able to write again.
